Independent Toileting
In almost all childcare settings, age three is a significant milestone for many children, marked by moving to a new room, beginning a more academically focused curriculum, and greater independence. Yet before any of that can happen, a child must be independently toileting.
Why is this skill so important? It is the culmination of a series of developmental milestones that your child must use in synchronization. Challenges with learning to use the toilet often arise because one underlying skill has not been mastered, and we, as adults, tend to rush the process. But much like crawling and walking, the isolation of each muscle movement must come together into fluid coordination for a child to be successful.
At The Glen, learning to use the toilet is a partnership between parents and their child’s teachers. It begins years in advance. Once a baby can comfortably stand on their own for 5-10 minutes, Glen faculty begin changing their diaper while the child stands. This process facilitates independence as the child grows, provides practice in managing clothing, and supports toileting as the child gains interest and confidence. In addition, using designated restroom facilities for changing a child sends the message that toileting occurs in a particular location. When it’s time to begin learning to use the toilet, the link to that room’s purpose is already established.
By observing the child’s interests and behaviors, parents and teachers can identify indicators that the child is ready to learn to use the toilet and to work together to encourage this interest. For example, in Toddler classrooms, Glen teachers look for a child who wakes from their nap dry, is interested in the toileting process, and can manage their clothing independently: push down their pants and pull them back up. By around 2-2 ½ years or so, most children are physically capable of managing the toileting process, so when their attention and interest peak, it is time to start.
When ready, parents and teachers need time and patience to accomplish this milestone. It requires a commitment of time, staying home, controlling fluid intake, and consistently developing a toileting schedule (beginning in underwear—not pull-ups!—every 30 minutes).
“Accidents,” or soiling in the underwear, are to be expected and are no reason to get upset. Children are developing body awareness and language to recognize the physical sensations of toileting and to verbalize them promptly. Instead of getting upset with the child or referring to the mishap as an “accident,” Glen faculty focus on helping children describe how they feel (wet, cold, uncomfortable in their underwear) because they did not use the toilet.
It is essential to partner with your child’s teacher when transitioning to underwear so that “accidents” do not occur for an extended period. Typically, we do not see this at The Glen. However, when a child is rushed into underwear, soiling will continue to occur without a reduction of frequency for an extended period. Introducing toileting too soon can, potentially, derail the entire process.
Natural consequences are a focus of Montessori. For example, when a child spills a drink, they clean it up. Likewise, when a child does not make it to the toilet in time, they change into dry clothes, put their soiled underwear and clothing into the laundry, and clean up anything left in the bathroom (under the careful supervision of an adult). While time-consuming, this activity helps the child connect the need to use the toilet with the consequences of not doing so.
Learning to use the toilet is one of the most significant accomplishments a toddler will achieve during these first three years! Like sitting up, crawling, and walking, learning to use the toilet is hard work and takes time. Patience and consistency are key!
